|Sep. 17th, 2004 01:01 pm It has been awhile|
Let's see, it has been a little over a year and the first post's I make are in my husband's journal. I am sure that I have pissed people off, but oh well. I am upset. I think I have the right to be. I am also tired. I think I should just swear off people period some days and just become the hermit I was in school. I will go out with the kids, but that is it. *sighs* My room has become more of a haven than it has been in years. I think I like it and will stay there. At least in my room I am not ruining people's lives or making people mad at me.2 comments - Leave a comment
|Sep. 9th, 2003 11:23 am Some people should NOT have kids....|
Last week I was listening to Sean and JEff, morning guys on the radio. They do this bit called "Strange but true news." Usually it is pretty funny stuff, like a guy that was so high he cooked his toes and ate them and another guy who did the same thing to his own dick after cutting it off. At anmy rate, the story I heard last week was of a woman who had left her kids alone while she was shopping. The oldest was 7 and the youngest was one. I think there were one or two other kids as well. That is bad enough, but she apparently strapped them down to thier beds. To make it even worse, she strapped them down with BARBED wire. Can you believe that shit? She is currently in jail, thank the gods.
I can't understand people like that. What makes them do such idiotic things? I hear all these stories about people who abandon thier kids, or kill thier own children because they were yelling to load or something equally stupid. If you did not want the child, there are plenty of people who do. GIuve it up for adoption, please! Or, better yet, do have it in the first place! That is what birth control is for.
Ok, I am done ranting. Are you happy now, James? I posted something. :p
Current Mood: nauseated2 comments - Leave a comment
|May. 13th, 2003 06:54 am Rantings|
Ok, I give fair warning. This post is going to be a rant. Pure and simple. It is nothing personal towards ANYONE that I know.
Why is it so hard to find DMs or Storytellers that will let me play and not exactly nice character? What is the problem with Chaotic Neutral? The way they are written in the books, they can work well in parties. *sighs* The lateste thing is this. I have an opportunity to play in a LARP on Firdays. My friend talked me into going with him. The original charater idea was to play a Tremere that was a dom. Yes, a dom in the whole BDSM sense. My friend was going to be my "pet" Gangrel. The concept was very cool. The big thing was, yes there would be some sexual tension, but he was my pet. And this is for a game! It is not like we were going to be doing live sex shows for other people's entertainment. What is the problem? The Storyteller has not even seen the idea and already I have to change it. My "pet's" girlfriend is not happy with the concept, so now I either have to come up with a new charatcer or get rid of the pet idea. Simple right? Wrong. I got all excited about the character and her pet that I wrote out a background and everything. The two characters were supposed to have been together for fifty years. *sighs* That is a rather large chunk of her unlife and all of his.
I know I am probably sounding selfish, but just once I would like to play a character concept the way I originally came up with it. Oh, well. I guess it is back to the drawing board. I will have to come up with something. I generally do. I just have to get the original idea out of my head. Maybe go to the other extreme? Maybe play a prudish character. Ha! That would be too funny. A vampire prude.
Oh yeah, the "greatest" thing about all this is the fact that the girlfriend will not even be playing in the game. As far as I know, she does not have an interest in playing Vampire at all. *sighs* Sometimes I hate being a nice person.
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|Mar. 21st, 2003 12:23 am Drowning|
I feel like I am drowing. Every time I get my head up above water, not five minutes late a wave comes and pushes me back under. I have a family to support and I feel like I am doing a damned awful job about it. I am barely able to keep food on the table and a roof over our heads. *screams in rage & frustration* I can't even get a simple laborer's job for construction because the adds demand that you have your own truck. Hell, if it weren't for Chance's dad, we would not even have a car let alone a truck. I am stressed and tired and I know no one gives a damn. Crap, now I am even feeling sorry for myself. GODS FUCKING DAMN IT!!!! How the fuck am I supposed to get us a house to live in instead of this fucking breadbox we call an apartment? GOds, if it weren't for Chance and the kids, I would find a rock somewhere to bury myself under. FUCK!!!!
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|Mar. 6th, 2003 07:30 am SOMETHING IS VERY WRONG|
Ok, on the way home from owrk this morning I caught a story about a man in New York who had gotten arrested for wearing an anti-war t-shirt at a mall. This happened on Monday. Apparently, the mall felt that while he was shopping, he and his son were sausing a disturbance with thier shirts. The son took his off, but the man did not. As far as I can tell, there was no distubance at all.
Here is a link to one article about it. http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2003/01/10/national/main536134.shtml
Now, I called my mom and spoke with her about it becuase I found this very disturbing. She had more news. She said that the charges had been dropped and that the man was thinking of suing. Now I do not blame him one bit for that, though I am sick and tired of the sue-happy mentallity most people seem to have these days.
I find it very disturbing that he was even arressted to begin with. I mean, what does that say about the state of the country? Are we that paranoid? Is Bush really that afraid that he is making the wrong decisin? You would almost think we were not living in America anymore. What happened to free speach?
Does anyone else find this at all disturbing or am I over-reacting?
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|Feb. 28th, 2003 04:49 pm Stress|
Gods, I feel like my world is falling apart all over again. I just went from getting oaid every week to being paid every two weeks. That has totally screwed everything up. I have enough money for rent and that is it for two weeks. My bank is stupid as well. I am overdrawn I don't know how much because they held my check for 6 days! They did not even tell me they were doing that. So everytime I used my ATM card during those six days it was considered overdraft and I was charged $21 dollars for it. *sighs* I hate banks. I hate money, but we need it. I am about ready to cry. The girls are going to need diapers in a couple of days. Thankfully Meny is almost potty trained and I don't need diapers for Ayla. The kids' shoes are getting to small for them, so I will need new shoes soon. Thankfully, my grandmother took me on a fully paid Costco trip so we have meat and food still from that. We need milk and a few little things like that though.
We would have been fine if my checks were still weekly and if the bank hadn't screwd up. AND, they raised my rent this month $50 dollars. *screams* I HATE THIS PLACE. I saw three guys wearing colors for the Bloods a few days ago. I have never seen them around here before, so I can only hope they do not live here. My upstairs neighbors are so inconsiderate it is ridiculous. I don't even let the kids outside to play anymore.
I tried to rent the house I lived in when I was in high school, but the landlord wants $1400 a month for it. His wife tried to talk him down, but he said no. It would have been nice. It is 3 bedrooms, 1 and a half baths. It is on at least a quarter acre. It has bunches of apple trees, peach tress, a fig tree, and grape vines. It also has a pool.
The one car garage has an enclosed patio/sunroom off one side, and a room my dad added when we lived the before. The kitchen is HUGE. My current livingrooom could fit in the kitchen. The other rooms are good sized too. I always said it reminded me of a mini ranch house. I was so bummed when she told me how much they wanted a month. When my parents were there, they only paid a bit over $800 a month for it.
Chance is looking for work through Apple One right now. He is going to sign up with Adecco on Monday. Office Team will not use him because of some BS that is his story to tell not mine. It ammounts to, somoen accused him of something he did not do, so now Office Team will not use him anymore. This sucks. I have resigned up with Office Team in hopes of finding work until Chance finds something.
Saddly, my dad just does not have any more work for us right now, so niether of us are working for him anymore. I just don't know what to do. If it weren't illegal, I would start hooking. Hell, I am cute enough for it. All I have to do is just lay there. I think I could make at least $50 an hour. *grins* Gods, I feel so trapped. I have a family to provide for and I can barely keep us fed and a roof over our head.
Now we have two more bills. I bought Chanc a Playsation and am paying that off. We also got cable and braodband. I am not complainming about these becuaase I know we can handle them, it just seems like we keep getting more and more bills no matter how hard I try.
I will not take back the PS2. I won't. It made me feel so good the way he reacted when I dropped it in his lap. He was actually speechless for a few seconds. It was great! I can so rarely surprise him like that. And the broadband, I will not get rid of either. He needs that for work. He has one new client and is working on his adult stuff. He needs a good reliable connection.
I will think of something. I have a big collection of Nancy Drew books. I was saving them for the girls, but we need money. Maybe I will take them down to the used bookstore down the street. She gives me cash for the books I bring in instead of credit. I can always replace the books. I can. It was not a complete collection anyway. *sighs* I hate to do it, but I have to do something. I think I will go through my books in the next few days and see what eles I can part with. I hate to do it, but we need the money.
I think I will stop ranting now. I am about to cry. I was close to tears all night last night because I was so frustrated. I think I may just go cry now.
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Current Music: Oldies Mix
|Feb. 25th, 2003 02:52 pm Major annoyance|
OK, this actually goes beyond annoying me into pissing me off. People in this country are so hung up about sex it is amazing. I am proud of the two weeks I worked as a stripper. Yes, I said stripper, not exotic dancer. I took my clothes off to music for money. I am proud of this fact. The only thing that kept me from pursuing this line of work was the fact that the girls smoked pot in the back room and the bathroom. I couldn't get away from it. The stuff gives me a killer headache and I did not need to bring home a contact high to Ayla who I was breast feeding at the time.
Anyway, I am getting so tired of hearing how shocked people are because women turn to the "oldest profession" in order to support themselves and thier families. Did you know that the majority of the women I met in the one little club had children? They were usually single parent families as well.
I am so sick and tired of people trying to say that adult bookstores and strip clubs are bad. I think prostitution should be legal. I mean, heel, it is my body. I should be able to sell it if I want to. I mean, it is ok for me to give sex away, but I can't sell it. Go figure. A woman can shack up with a man and "pay" rent with sex and that is not illegal, but the minute money actually changes hands, you have a problem. How is that any different? She is still being paid for the sex by being given a place to live.
I am going to make sure that my girls do not grow up to be prudes. If they want to run around the house naked, then they can. If they want to have sex with people, then as long as it is safe, then more power to them. They will know all the possible consequences of sex. I am sick of how people raise thier children to be so prudish. It is really not healthy.
Ok, rant done. I am NOT sorry if this offends, though it is not meant to. I say people need to open up thier eyes and thier minds. Being afraid of your body and sex is not healthy. It causes many problems. I plan on taking my daughters to any strip club they want when they are old enough. I will even tell them of my brief stint as a stripper. My girls will NOT be prudes!!!!
Current Mood: pissed off2 comments - Leave a comment
|Feb. 20th, 2003 02:51 pm I NEED A GAME!!!!|
Gods, I really need a game. The sad thing is though, that i just resigned up with Office team so that I could get a second job. We need the money and dad is running out of work for Chance to do. The good thing is, that I should only have to do this until Chance can get something. But that means that I REALLY need a game now. I need the stress relief. I am desperate enough that this afternoon, I am going down to Great Escape to check out thier bulliten board. See if I can find anyone that is looking for a player. I don't think I want to run a game right now, even though I have a whole biner FULL, and I do mean full, of stuff to run for a four person group (not counting the DM). I have worked so hard on that stuff, but I would rather now my players before running something. I want to make sure that my game is taliored to thier gaming style. *sighs*
On another note, Chance thinks I should try to write a module or two. With this open gaming liscence, I may be able to sell them if they are good enough. Problem, I hate modulars, so I am not entirely sure of the format. I have two ideas to cnqure this.
1) I buy, or borrow, three or four different moduals and try to see if I can write something similar.
2) I just give the basic outline of the story, the NPCs, monsters, maps, etc, and let the DM decide how he or she wants to get the players to the end of the story. Too me this would avoid things like that damned stupid modual of Quinn's that was not very flexible at all. I mean really, just because we found the bloody body DOES NOT mean we killed the bastard, especially when there is a trail of purple worms leading from the body to the sewer grate under the tmeple! It was horrible to say the least.
Anyway, I am not entirely sure what to do here. Any suggestions would be nice. *grins* I think if Edward is at Great Escape, I might ask him what he thinks, but then again maybe not. He and I were not very close when I was friends with Milt, though I did like him. We will see what happens.
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|Feb. 11th, 2003 10:36 am Odd, very odd :)|
|The haxor handle of Chris Stehr is "Hot Ghoul".|
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|Feb. 11th, 2003 10:23 am Bummed, very bummed|
Am I doing something wrong? Am I not a likeable person? I have two friends, they are boyfriend and grilfriend and they live not even half a block away from me, but they do not seem to want to talk to me anymore. I used to go over there daily, then work made that hard, so I went over thereonce a week. Now, I have not been over in a couple of months. I have left messages several times. Last night, the boyfriend actually called me back. I was shocked. I had to sleep though so I asked him if I could call him in the morning. He said yes. So I called him at 8am, then 9am, and then 10am and all I got each time was the voice mail. *sighs* I did not think that I was that bad of a friend. I then sat down and thought about it. I don't really have any friends that call me or return my calls that often. I mean a few, like Aaron, Marrianne, and Tabitha are very busy, and it has always been hit and miss with them. That is part of the friendship and I don't mind that, but the others... I have no clue. I know, I am probably just feeling sorry for myself, but I can't help feel hurt. Nor can I help wondering what I have done to drive my friends away. If it were not for Chance, I would be feeling VERY lonely right now. Truth be told, even with Chance I feel a bit lonely right now. *sighs* I am going to go now before I start to cry.
Current Mood: rejected3 comments - Leave a comment
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